marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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