we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sorry about my life...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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