Can Purell be used as lube?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
