i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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