Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Can Purell be used as lube?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize