So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
