So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
