Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
