paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
