Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
