I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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