if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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