I wannas sexs uuuuu
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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