i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
