She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
