I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize