you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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