I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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