We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
