THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
