hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
