well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize