Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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