I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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