the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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