If that was your dad, he is hot
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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