Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
