Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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