the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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