Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
