Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
