Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
