We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
