last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
