So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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