I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
