I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
