Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize