man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
