If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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