Tell her she can't have a vagina
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Randomize
