Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
