I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is it penis luge time yet?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When are your genitals available?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
