Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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