i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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