I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
