we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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