seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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