Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
