The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
operation harelip BJ is a go
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
