found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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