I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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