You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
