I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize