Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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