I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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