Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
