After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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