HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
