I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
