Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
