New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
