I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
thus making me awesome and them whores
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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