3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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