like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize