i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
