Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
