that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
